I see flashes of your face in every movie scene, every conversation and my daily interactions and at once my heart is filled with sadness. Like a volcano of emotion I feel it bubble at my core and rise slowly to my face and I fight the tears. You will not cry here amidst strangers, you will not break now for you must be the pillar that holds come rain or shine, you must remain unweathered. Even though I know I can only fight this for so long, I will be angry and sometime soon vent this.

I hate being lost in the limbo of a present body and past mindscape. I hate the strength of this grip the past possesses on me. I should not be tethered to the events of the past in such a manner I must life free, but the question is how?

Acting acting acting, wow the award for the most hollow being amongst us goes to you. Not shallow hollow like there is nothing in the midst of you in any form but a deep hollow. One that is characterized by you filled to the brim with pain and chaos yet painting and acting the part of an innocent and well balanced old man to the world and all around you.

Careful of the tentacles of the deep, for they reach and grab slowly but surely, wrapping around their prey with their numerous hands caressing and infusing worry, doubt and inevitably sadness and death into the soul of all its victims. Do not give up the battle waged for years within this heart and mind of yours. Your’s is a priceless gem that the world requires, a light the world needs to see, a clutch the falling and limping humans require to stand upright. Do not surrender to the darkness that invades, cut away at the tentacles that try to strangle. Fight for your sanity, fight for your love, fight for your heart, fight for you life.

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