Amidst the reaches of time, entrenched in the history of our planet there are the fundamental minerals that make up every mountain, they stand through it all. In every storm, through every hurricane there are clouds that herald it’s coming, thunder beckons it near and lightning sings I am here, they mark the path and remain steadfast in sequence everytime. For each earthquake, there is an aftershock present before the ground rumbles and tumbles and present in the future when the earth has seized to roll over. They mark her comings and goings, past and future for the present. I refuse to take cover for I have been turned into a mountain of stubborn belief and regard in a class of people who rarely possess the patience to reach this summit. I cannot take cover for the tag significance when given can never be taken, it is etched upon the bone, carved into rock and welded into metal. Never to be removed, never to fade, never to reduce in value. I cannot take cover because even a mountain needs the clouds to water her garden, why would you hide from something you need?
I sat and watched in awe as Ivory and skin danced a delicate violent dance. The keys to unlock strings of emotion love, happiness, sadness, deep despair, desire, confusion, all in no particular order burst forth from the strings as fingers plucked upon them in rhythmic succession.
Play play me a song through time that forever my heart will be glad, it’ll be fine. A chord that like fire burning near to my heart melts away the ice and kindles something gentle. It stings like a pin against my skin the string is pulled and like a gate my mind runs wild. I will forever look differently upon these fingers for I knew they were lovely before but today I saw her sprinkle beauty from its tips and I’m sure that she has been lying to me this entire time. A rare gem she is and will always be, I hope she never forgets it.
I see flashes of your face in every movie scene, every conversation and my daily interactions and at once my heart is filled with sadness. Like a volcano of emotion I feel it bubble at my core and rise slowly to my face and I fight the tears. You will not cry here amidst strangers, you will not break now for you must be the pillar that holds come rain or shine, you must remain unweathered. Even though I know I can only fight this for so long, I will be angry and sometime soon vent this.
I hate being lost in the limbo of a present body and past mindscape. I hate the strength of this grip the past possesses on me. I should not be tethered to the events of the past in such a manner I must life free, but the question is how?
Acting acting acting, wow the award for the most hollow being amongst us goes to you. Not shallow hollow like there is nothing in the midst of you in any form but a deep hollow. One that is characterized by you filled to the brim with pain and chaos yet painting and acting the part of an innocent and well balanced old man to the world and all around you.
Careful of the tentacles of the deep, for they reach and grab slowly but surely, wrapping around their prey with their numerous hands caressing and infusing worry, doubt and inevitably sadness and death into the soul of all its victims. Do not give up the battle waged for years within this heart and mind of yours. Your’s is a priceless gem that the world requires, a light the world needs to see, a clutch the falling and limping humans require to stand upright. Do not surrender to the darkness that invades, cut away at the tentacles that try to strangle. Fight for your sanity, fight for your love, fight for your heart, fight for you life.
I love you he said, she looked him dead in the eye staring into his soul looking to see that glitter as his emotions burst forth at lightspeed beyond this physical realm. She didn’t see it but she said it back, “I love you too. Like a comment made out of pity to flatter someone…lip service, it was tasteless, baseless and really just a mess of words dishonest but colourful.
I love you he said, the words ricocheted through her ear canal and beat a sound on her ear drums that sent a chill down to her bones, her eyes watery rose to see his looking, peering into that void to see an inward expression of said outward emotion. Nothing. Dull and fake like a piece of washed imitation plastic, she looked down to the bruises on her hands as she said I love you too. Echoes of emptiness.
I love you he said, as he raised her face gently to see his to peer into the shipwreck that was her world, her life, her soul. In that moment like a ship lost in the fog upon a lighthouse she beheld a sight that changed her forever. As her eyes left the floor and travelled the length of his body and face to gaze into his windows she saw it. There was something there she had never seen in the eyes of any before him. A twinkle of sorts, not quite a twinkle but a warm glow that shone distant but bright. He inched closer and peered deeper into her mist and from it claimed her raft from the midst. He lit a fire in her heart that day, and she knew the truth of what it meant… to be loved
Out of the murky depths of my dark, cold and troubled soul emerge a creature. Rosy and flowered yet tarred and feathered, as beautiful as it is hideous. It is among the many elementals, the creatures born of the deep; woven, knitted and formed from the strings and threads of emotion that twirled and danced inside this soul. A construct of metaphysical proportions with the ability to influence bodily motions. A force that puts men on their knees, a force that makes them stand tall like trees. Fuelled by power present since the dawn of time, shackled by a principle pillar, controlled by no one ever.
Out of the murky depths of my dark, cold and troubled soul emerged desire fuelled by the forces of the heart, shackled by the pillars of the mind and controlled by none.
Lost without you, can’t help myself how does it feel – Robin Thicke…. Cold, it feels cold and distant when I’m close to you, I don’t know where we went off course but I would gladly pull the reins on this horse.
Unbreak my heart, say you love me again, undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door – Toni Braxton…. *Cough cough* did you forget that you walked out? And what is this about a door? The only door I walked out of was the one you gave me the key to, the sign on the door said leave and never come back.
No one, no one no ooone, can make me feel the way I feel for you – Alicia Keys … The only problem is I don’t think you should be making people feel this way, sad and lonely, dejected and rejected, empty and void of self for it had all been given away.
Can I lay by your side, next to you, youuu – Sam Smith… Yes, honey please. But only if it’s down in the ground cause it’s the same place I would end up after you’re done with my heart…I hope you feel such remorse that it says so on your death certificate, cause of death – heartbreak
Because you completely fail to understand darling… That some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all, if it ain’t you baby, if I got you baby, some people want diamond rings, but some just want everything and everything means nothing, if I ain’t got you – Alicia Keys.
So I sit here and watch you walk stupidly by ignoring the world, brushing shoulders and shoving bodies. Breaking hearts and destroying homes, crumbling livelihoods into heaps of dust. You burn dreams, and crash hopes, so I’ve chosen to do something about it. A rogue vigilante.
Upon this day, I have marked you down and your life is forfeit. Only time will tell the chosen moment of your demise, do not expect it to be swift for you have punished and placed too many souls through suffering to warrant such an easy escape from this plane of existence. Therefore death by torture is the only cure.
I have given you my heart and soul and amidst the two you chose my body. I gave you the depths of my richness the essence of my existence and you chose my countenance. Amidst the many things I value most I presented to you my fears, cares and concerns, but you cared only for the craving that caught your lust. I would never reach the depths and inner reaches of you because you never saw that of mine. A prejudiced version, socially influenced and constructed by others individuals could never take importance over my simple beliefs. You would start a new chapter in my curious books, but alas my pages were torn and replaced with that of more interest.
I looked upon your pain, your sadness, your sorrow and and decided that you were someone I wanted to know. The thought of chaos and disorder thrills and excites, for in this madness there is so much logic it gives me chills. In the midst of this anti physical law that states opposites attract I can feel the discord within me beckon that which is in you. Like the lines of a force field I feel a force pushing me to repeat a definite pattern synonymous with the new. And as is with a kaleidoscopic image I begin to lose myself in the pursuit of a mirage that has been invented by my mind as the reward for an assumption based on false information. To hell with this, I need a drink.
Stop the speech, can you please shut down and leave me be. Don’t recall the day, or the night, there has been no pleasantries, no joy, no jokes, no wise cracks.
I sit in the darkness and feel the weight of it all, in that same moment the claws grow from my hands and the hair stands on my back as I dig into my skull to pull it all out. Tear it all out, the sadness, pain, sorrow, all of it. Wait, you put it there, you saw the sea of despair and thought it wise to go wash in it. Tsk tsk tsk you walked right into that one. So man up and deal with it.